Satire: Can’t wait until Beaufort becomes another South of the Border

Dear Editor,

For several generations, my family has been involved in the tourist attraction business in South Carolina. It has recently come to my attention that there is a newcomer to our business in Beaufort. I wish to welcome Mr. Dick Stewart.

The building plans l’ve seen will most definitely promote their intended purposes. Just think of all the money to be reaped by the influx of new tourists at new convenience stores, restaurants, and gift shops, not to mention the new employment opportunities that the additional garbage truck drivers, sewer workers, window washers, sidewalk blowers, janitors, delivery persons, construction persons, crane operators, and other construction and permanent related activities will bring to your downtown area.

What the previous and current city fathers have dreamed for is about to come to pass as they encouraged Mr. Stewart by not enforcing ordinances to retard his nor our activities.

l’ve tasked my staff to keep a close eye on Downtown Beaufort so that when things really get going, we can go down there and start some of our buildings and activities in your downtown. Ya’ll are all invited to come up l-95 to see the good things we’ve done here that we can duplicate in your town.

Editor’s comments:

The above is an actual letter delivered anonymously to The Beaufort Tribune today. We usually do not publish letters that are not signed by an actual person; however, this letter is so humorous and poignant that we feel compelled to share it with our readers. It is a perfect example of satire, which is defined in the dictionary as “the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues”.

For those of you who are not native South Carolinians or who have not traveled down Interstate 95 at the border between North Carolina and South Caroline, South of the Border is a gigantic, tacky tourist attraction just inside South Carolina that can only be understood by seeing it in person or in photographs. Its mascot is Pedro, a cartoonesque character somewhat like Bugs Bunny but surely soon to be outlawed by Wokeness (no wait, South Carolinians are Rebels, they are not Woke). Pedrosita, the signer of the letter, must be Pedro’s slightly wacky but very wise sister.

The photographs depicted here were not part of the letter. They are part of South of the Border’s website and have been included under the fair use doctrine by your esteemed editor of The Beaufort Tribune as a way further to “ridicule, expose, and criticize the stupidity and vices of those people in politics and business” in Beaufort, present day and in the recent past, who have brought our historic town to the verge of becoming another South of the Border or, maybe worse, another St. Augustine, Florida, with our downtown a convention center and alligator farms and the like out on Lady’s and St. Helena Islands.

Editor’s Note: If you are concerned about the direction the City of Beaufort is taking, especially in its Historic District, you are automatically a member of the Beautiful Beaufort Alliance, sponsored by The Beaufort Tribune. Click here to see the goals of the Beautiful Beaufort Alliance and what you can do to help.